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dekan

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yoooo [Oct. 12th, 2011|02:41 pm]
dekan
does anyone actually still use this?
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(no subject) [Oct. 20th, 2010|03:11 pm]
dekan
so it seems like livejournal is special now and you can only see the last 10 entries. is this because i'm not paying or don't have ads or something?
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sometimes [Jul. 1st, 2009|08:25 pm]
dekan
it's hard to know which way to go.

left or right. straight ahead or stand just there.

and only occasionally do things shock enough to really urge one to action.
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empty winters [Jun. 17th, 2009|10:37 pm]
dekan
so dark so cold

lifeless, and meaningless...

and only some manage to stick out

against the cold harsh backdrop.
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tap tap tap [Oct. 16th, 2008|11:01 pm]
dekan
is this thing on
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(no subject) [Oct. 1st, 2008|09:18 pm]
dekan
Like a leaf that falls from the sky
I'm so fucking high

My mind is scarred, my heart is hard
Whilst I'm feeling jarred

Like a spell I'm awake again
Twisting in contortions then

I try, and slip; the devils grip
Waiting patiently for the dip

Placed inside the cast of light
See clear, dropped, and then fight

Where've I gone, where am I
Moments gone, time to say goodbye
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(no subject) [Aug. 29th, 2008|02:06 am]
dekan


Deadly, Explorer-Kidnapping Abomination of Nihilism


Get Your Monster Name



That sounds .. good ..
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(no subject) [Aug. 23rd, 2008|01:13 am]
dekan
When you got drunk,

You meet strange people.


Sometime's I'm not sure
if I'm here or there.


The wonders of intoxication,
and moments too short; am I
right for the fort.
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Visiting hours are over [Aug. 20th, 2008|01:39 am]
dekan
[current music |The Cure - The Walk]

Sometimes,
When walking.
Things come up.
And then they go away.
And we go back to where we were.
And it's not the same as it once was.
And then it starts again.
Like reoccuring dreams.
Lost in a trance.
It comes again.
And then away.

Sometimes I really get weirded out by the way, footsteps follow one after the other. The little interactions. The familiar interactions.

You say hello, you talk to someone. You meet them. And they return the favour. And you're not quite sure what happened just there And then another. And some seem to last, and some seem to never have been there in the first place.

So sometimes it's easier to keep one's mouth shut. To keep interactions to a minimum. To make oneself so boring that hopefully people won't notice you.

Then when people act kind of familiar. You're kind of wondering just what they're about.

And it gets strange when people seem to describe your behaviours to you. Just today - there was this old cleaner - she was saying "How is he doing", "out into the cold .. " "coffee" "cigarettes", and so on.

And I start to recall just how boring I am. And what impression I must give off. People seem to associate those four things. She got them all!

And then, when slowing down.

I seem to start to notice that there can be more interaction.

And people start seeming like there's more to them.

More individualistic. Hey they seem like real people.

But, then, some people, they seem preoccupied. They say "How are you", in a way that only shows that they're showing the basics of social interaction; without really seeming to be there at all. And I start to wonder if I'm like that. Like some of them, I just feel that it'd be wasted to say anything in response.

Although, sometimes I notice. If you pause a little longer, they seem to want to talk more - and it's like oh, maybe they have quite a bit of (stuff I don't want to hear) to say. And maybe they're used to being ignored.

And I start to wonder about my levels of compassion. And all that. And then I once again remember that the best way to treat people, is as they treat you. Be level, be real. Keep things balanced.

And everything starts to fall into place again.

UNTIL THEY START BEING NICE TO YOU.

AND IT'S LIKE OMFG HOW THE HELL DO I DEAL WITH THIS

And suddenly it seems like there is some necessity to keep interactions closed once again.

No don't go too far - no enough - time to hold back.

Keep it simple. Keep it trivial. Too much for my weak soul to take.
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(no subject) [Jun. 30th, 2008|06:51 pm]
dekan
[mood |desolate]

so the other night i overate and felt sick. but hey,

and today for some reason i was given a free pie,. i'm not quite sure why.

2 for the price of 1 they said. i didn't even want it.
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